Disappointment

My posts are not in the order they necessarily occur(ed) in. Since I’ll likely be posting about previous events for a while, they’re in the order that they cross my mind.

I’ve put my heart and soul into band-aid brigade EMS here in my little town. In two semester I’ve put in over 400 hours of documented shift time (more than twice what’s required), a lot of other time, cut class to go to CME opportunities, listened to hundreds of hours of medical podcasts, and generally done everything I can to provider better patient care and uplift and educate the people I run with.

So when they invited people to apply for supervisor positions next year, I was excited. I wanted more opportunities to educate, challenge, and uplift people in my service. I’ve spent almost a decade as an active staff member in Boy Scout leadership camps. I’m an experienced teacher. I don’t think you could ask for someone more passionate or qualified.

In my interview I mentioned my desire to educate and reform. Fearless Leader (our EMS director) asked exactly what I meant. So I quickly threw out a couple suggestions about doing call reviews during our weekly meetings, etc.

Well, I didn’t get the position. Who did? A bunch of people that do the bare minimum. Also, imagine my surprise in class last week when Fearless Leader announces that we will be doing “grand rounds” (a gussied up word for call reviews) form time to time. Great. He’s also mentioned implementing some of the other ideas I brought up in my interview.

If I had such great ideas, why not put me in a position to execute them? Why not call me a training officer? Honestly I feel a little betrayed or undercut. Is it wrong to feel that way? Is it wrong to almost resent the people who did get it because I feel significantly more qualified?

The bigger question is: does it matter? The answer to that is probably not.